‘The Reality Of…’ is a series with the aim to raise awareness of disabilities, illnesses, impairments, etc. Also, educating others about the barriers that disabled people and carers face. I hope this series helps to break down misconceptions and stigma.
Life doesn’t have to stop when you have a disability.
Meet Mel
Mel Ashford is a freelance writer and poet from Wales, UK. She can be found posting GIFs on Twitter or poetry on Instagram. Mel is queer and lives with a tortoiseshell rescue cat and a French Bulldog puppy.
The Unseen Effects of Hearing Loss
I wasn’t born with my hearing loss; I acquired it somehow between the age of 12 and probably 15. However, I didn’t fully come to terms with it until I was 26 and finally got that hearing test.
My first pair of hearing aids were huge and ugly, but I loved them. I went from being determined there was nothing wrong with me to being very open. It was so much easier when people could see at a glance that I was hard-of-hearing rather than me sitting there struggling in silence. It also felt so good to own my hearing loss instead of desperately trying to hide from it.
Now, I have much nicer hearing aids, but the emotional curve of hearing loss continues. For me, hearing loss comes with many negative emotions like depression, shame, embarrassment, low self-esteem, anxiety, fear, and dread.
For example, not having good hearing means I worry more about driving or walking home from the pub at night. I’m still learning to drive, and it still frightens the life out of me. My instructor is constantly asking me if I heard a horn or sirens, and I didn’t hear a thing. Sirens come up on me really fast, and the very idea of driving without a supervisor terrifies me.
Many of the negative emotions I experience because of my hearing loss are due to the way I relate to other people. Throughout my life, I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. As a hard-of-hearing woman, I often have conversations with people who expect me to function in the same way they do – for example, attempting to force me to be fully hearing when I am not. I cannot hear just because you want me to. My hearing loss can’t be changed or fixed and expecting me to hear as well as you can is offensive and hurtful. When you’re having a conversation with a hard-of-hearing person, like me, please remember that you’ll need to adapt to them, as they can’t, and shouldn’t have to, adapt to you.
Coming to Terms
Emotionally, I find it challenging, being hard-of-hearing. It’s easy to mishear or answer the wrong question, and I still find this embarrassing. My hearing loss caused me so much shame, especially in the early days, and I’m now making more effort to shake it off. However, I still have to talk myself out of my pit about it, as I’ll still end up crying on the floor, and feeling ashamed, for mishearing someone. I don’t have the best self-esteem in the first place, and I guess I’m still coming to terms with my disability.
The way forward for me is to start taking the pressure off myself. Going back to what I said earlier about people not expecting me to function as if I am fully hearing, I need to start doing this within myself. I need to stop trying to meet other peoples’ biologically impossible standards and remind them I need to lip-read or that I didn’t hear their words.
I think I’m starting to learn how to live with my hearing loss, but I know I have some way to go yet.
My Favourite Superhero
My favourite superhero is Makkari, as she’s deaf. It’s really nice to see a deaf female in the Marvel world! I can’t wait for the Eternals to come out now.
Thank you so much Mel for raising awareness!
If you would like to stay up-to-date with Mel, then you can find her on Twitter, and Instagram!
Undercover Superhero 